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a little while ago, i set out to create a project with personal meaning, but without telling a specific story of a life that had been lived. so i decided to tell a backwards story of what would have happened in my own life, had i not made certain decisions. using events that i had either experienced or speculated occurring in the future of this backwards version of me, this sad, somber character that i had created. after two months of making and trashing numerous events, songs and ideas, i ended with this short series of sounds that represents what this character feels and experiences in his life; his story as we know it.

this project was created over the course of four months (the first song being started on september 2nd, 2015 and the last song being finalized on december 28th, 2015). 


special thanks to padma ramachandran

he's sitting in the hospital, looking at his mother, who is laced with tubes and currently unconscious. feeling scorn towards the force of death, he clenches his fists - but sadness overwhelms him and as the song nears an end, his mother breathes her last breaths.

who knows

special thanks to perry andre and michael macchiarola

contemplating his current situation, family-less and unguided, he goes on a walk in the city, passing a few mechanic shops and some fast-food stand in joints. however, he suddenly snaps into the depths of his self-reflection and starts to sink deeper and deeper into confusion and frustration with his past decisions, regretting all the things he could have changed had he not come to this point. he gets completely lost in this delusion for a moment, thinking that the fantasy he has created is real, but then falls out of it, once again feeling very upset. however, he is able to ultimately accept that he cannot change certain things and returns to peace as he resumes consciousnes

no more heroes

special thanks to amanda long

after experiencing some trauma and confusion, he decides to spend some time with friends, and continue life as normal. he tries to get in contact with an old friend he hasn't spoken to in some time, with no avail. two weeks pass, and he receives news that she had passed away two weeks prior after being in the hospital for an extended period of time. falling back into the depths of depression, he has nobody to look to for help, and becomes a reserved creature that is unable to truly express emotion to others with the fear of being judged as weak. when alone, he cracks and cries like a baby; but nobody knows that

wishing well

special thanks to christian rose

as he falls deeper and deeper into depression, his previous delusions resurface and he breaks his way into an ideal world that he wants to exist in, and in his brain, exists in. he dreams of being younger, having memories of playing with toys, watching cartoons on his mother's old tube television, and childish attempts at playing the piano that was in his childhood home. as this delusion intensifies, his consciousness flashes at him again and again trying to contact him and return him to reality, but he drowns it out with memories.


special thanks to sunil subramanian and krishna chamarti

played and improvised live on a detuned upright piano

continuing his life with a glazed look in his eyes, his consciousness is no more. he is not himself anymore, with his awkward mannerisms and odd interests; he's in autopilot, performing tasks that he doesn't care for while dreaming of a life that he could have lived.

more information about the project

all instrumentation, production and composition by anirudh bharadwaj

additional noises on track 1 by my mom
additional noises on track 2 by perry andre and the guitar center store
additional noises on track 4 by christian rose and a honda cr-v
special thanks to sunil subramanian & krishna chamarti for tracks 4 and 5

special thanks to christian rose, zack villere, sunil subramanian michael schwebler, matthew swan, austin distefano, montalis anglade, sebastian vivian, jayden kimpton, elijah scarlett, amanda long, andrew berman, krishna chamarti, grant nelson, dom mclennon and doug

list of sounds used in production: a comb plucked by a fingernail, a honda cr-v running over dirt road, my mom breathing in my room, the ambience in the kitchen, walking under the canopy at my high school, the sound of 6AM winter air, a soda can opening, punching a wall, sunil talking about how he hates college at starbucks, a microkorg xl, an ibanez bass with nearly no battery, a detuned piano, chris talking about crooked teeth, a stone hitting a metal gate, my mom yelling at me about the laundry, the sound inside a refrigerator, sounds inside a garage of wrenches clinking and screws maxing out, a violin that i haven't played in 7 years, the noise of a 7 dollar amp, linguine snapping in half, the sound of ice rain from inside a car, perry andre talking about guitar riffs in a try-out booth at guitar center, clicking of teeth with tongue, clicking tongue with roof of mouth, a girl squealing, the sound of silence in an airport, sounds from hitting a guitar in different ways, running various sounds through metal piping, the sound of rain washing around in a gutter, a dorian concept song playing in a honda accord, scissors, tweezers, hair clips clicking, raindrops hitting a window, a portable casio piano, a tube television turning off, doors closing, nails hitting a keyboard.